Christmas

Today is Christmas Eve. It's been a great Christmas season so far. It's the only year I can remember teaching a series leading into Christmas, and because of that I've been thinking about Christmas a lot this year. One thing that has struck me the most in the Christmas story is the way in which it all happened. Let me explain.

You know how every mom loves to talk about how beautiful the package, the wrapping paper, or the bag is that holds the present? They are so careful when they open the package so as to not disturb the beautiful paper. I always wonder about that. I mean, sure it looks nice, but are you really going to reuse it or something? After all, it's not the paper that has value - it's the present inside. But I've been thinking about this concept in terms of the Christmas story. I mean, you can tell when someone has really taken their time to wrap a present. The way it is wrapped becomes part of what makes it so special - it displays the care and love that this person has that wrapped the present. So aside from the amazing fact that God became flesh and dwelt among us, and then eventually died and rose again (I realize that's a HUGE thing to set aside), I have been thinking a lot this year about the package. That is, the way in which this amazing gift was delivered. In one respect, God seems to have taken great care to communicate a certain message to us through the package - the part that many times we skip over - the way the gift was given. In another sense though, it's almost like God took this incredible gift and wrapped it up in toilet paper or newspaper or something. I mean if I was writing this story, I think I would have had a lot more bells and whistles surrounding the birth of the God-man Jesus. But instead, we have a story about a teenage pregnant girl, who when discovered to be pregnant is almost divorced and a family torn apart before it even gets a chance to start. Then, that same woman is forced to ride on a donkey miles and miles while almost ready to deliver. Eventually, when they get there she is forced to sleep with animals in a stable and to give birth to the King of Kings surrounded by animal poop, hay, and who knows what else. What an incredibly humbling, and maybe even lonely experience. So why is this the kind of wrapping paper that this amazing gift comes in?

I think it's because God is speaking to us in that wrap job. I think he's telling about the accessibility of this Savior to all people. He is telling of good news for the poor (Jesus' own message later on in life), and for the oppressed, the lonely, the helpless. This isn't just good news for the elite, the rich, the powerful - in fact this good news is for all. God is on the side of the poor. He always is. It's the reason that this good news was announced to shepherds, one of the lowliest jobs one could have. The fact that in many households there is a nativity set up with animals, hay, etc. is a constant reminder to us that God is not far - he isn't out of reach. He has come in the most accessible, most humble manner anyone could think of. And that fact makes the actual message and ministry of Jesus that much more powerful.

So anyway, don't be so quick to discard the paper for what's inside of this gift. Because I think that in this case anyway, the message that the wrapping gives us is just as important as the message that's inside. But when it comes to Christmas morning - go ahead and rip and tear.

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Labor?

Twice now in the last week or so we've had labor scares. About a week ago after our refresher course on having a baby, the nurse suggested that Kimi get checked out because of her frequent braxton-hicks contractions. She was definitely having some contractions so they gave her a pill and that stopped things. Today Kimi called in tears saying her stomach was hurting, so I raced home and sat with her as we timed things and called the doctor's office. After a bit they stopped, so that's good. However, it really looks like this baby is wanting to come out. We really want her to wait until at least the 1st of January, because that's about the 37 week mark - which they say is ok. So two more weeks - that's all I ask!

It makes me realize that despite the nine months of waiting for this baby (add to that the time waiting to conceive), we aren't ready yet! There's still much to be done. Kimi had nothing packed yet, nothing for the baby is washed or ready to go, and I'm still trying to build a dresser for the baby's room - which is proving more difficult than I realized it was going to be. Not to mention that right now everything is gearing up for Christmas and we have all of that stuff still to think about. So yeah, those two weeks are really important right now.

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Parade

Today was a nice relaxing day. We slept in this morning until 9 which was amazing, because Hannah hasn't done that in a long time. She sleeps longer when she comes in our bed, which is what happened last night. She tends to hog the bed, but seeing as how I got to sleep in, I didn't mind. After spending a couple hours around the house not doing much of anything, we remembered that the Yucaipa Christmas parade was today. Hannah has been looking forward to this for a while. Last year mommy went shopping and Hannah and I walked over to the church and watched the parade. They throw candy - which is what she really remembered and looked forward to. So even though mommy was driving, Hannah remembered that we walked last year, and wanted to walk again. She's a lot like me I guess - traditions are great! We watched the parade from in front of the church again, it was a lot colder this year. The bands and cars and floats went by, many of them throwing candy. Hannah was hilarious because she would run out in the street when they threw candy, but unless it was chocolate she would leave it laying there and come back empty handed. She knows what she likes and won't settle for anything else! Hopefully the same goes for boys one day.

After the parade my neighbor and I went Christmas shopping for the wives. I pretty much hate shopping - there's so much crap for sale, there's a billion people, and the whole thing just makes me want to run away. Despite all that, we had a good time. I was able to get a few things for Kimi which is great. I usually am one of those last minute shoppers so this is a bit unusual for me.

Mommy and Hannah are making Christmas cookies right now - another great tradition. I look forward to the benefits of that one - that is, the eating of the Christmas cookies. Anyway, it was a good day today. We've got church tomorrow and I need to get to work writing out my lesson.

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Peace on Earth

I had a conversation this week with some friends about the gospel. We were talking about politics, about the church, and ultimately about the role of the Christian in the world. One of the questions we were discussing was in raising children - how much do you expose a child to in order to help them learn to live as a Christian in the world. My friend talked about how growing up in a Christian school didn't really prepare him for the reality of the world. I fully understand wanting to protect our children, particularly in the most formative times of their life. I protect Hannah from things like TV - I don't want her to see certain things. I don't want her to watch commercials even if I can help it, because I realize that the ads are attempting to feed her a lie about what satisfies in life. Does that mean we keep our kids inside, turn off the TV, home school them all, hand pick their friends? I live in a rough neighborhood. Most police in my city call it the ghetto. In a few short years since we've lived here, we've had drug deals, race riots, graffiti on our garage door, hit and run car accidents, home invasion robberies (not my home), cars broken into (mine), an attempted break in to my house, arrests and more arrests, domestic abuse, sexual predators, and lots more. Part of me thinks that this is exactly where a follower of Christ needs to be. I know that God placed us in this neighborhood, and maybe that's because he wants us to be aware of the needs of a seemingly small peaceful city. But does God want me to put my family at risk for the sake of the gospel? Even asking that question seems silly to me. I know the right answer - the gospel is about bringing hope and healing and restoration to those in bondage. It makes sense that God would put us in a place of significant need. But again, how do I teach my daughter about the reality of sin in the world, and the hope of the gospel, without jading her, or putting her life in danger? I know the danger for myself, and I've chosen to live with that. But a four year old? What does the gospel look like for her? What does it expect of her?

So anyway, back to this conversation at lunch. I shared about how I don't want Hannah to be unaware of pain in the world. We talk to her about orphans in Africa, and she struggles to understand how kids could live without their parents. We take her with us into Mexico - where she has gone door to door, shack to shack, handing out invitations for VBS programs. She has seen poverty first hand. We talk to her about kids that go without food. She understands that. I don't think she's at a place yet to understand salvation, or a divine God-man who came and died for our sins. We talk about that, but based on her playtime when the occasional kitty "dies on the cross", I'm pretty sure she hasn't grasped that idea yet. But, she gets the gospel of meeting needs. She understands that when a homeless man is hungry, we feed him. She gets that when people living in a dump in Mexico need a home - we build them one. She knows that daddy went to Africa to help kids and people who were sick. And she connects that with Jesus. She knows that we do these things because of him.

But last night it was as if Jesus was asking - how much do you really believe that the gospel is good news for the world? I was sitting on my couch, about ready to head off to bed when I heard three gun shots, which to be honest is something I've heard before. But soon after the shots I heard lots of yelling and noise. So I went out on my front porch to see where all the noise was coming from. At that point a saw a man running away from the area of the noise, and he ran right past my house. Honestly, I don't know who this person was or their connection to the situation. But it very well could have been the shooter, or someone just scared running away. Soon after the police were all over the neighborhood, a helicopter was circling with spot light on, people were yelling and screaming, it was nuts. This morning, one man is dead.

When people fight, they do drugs, they break things, they vandalize - all of that doesn't really affect me. People heal, stuff gets fixed. But when bullets start flying - it's way too easy for someone innocent to get hurt. So again, the question of the gospel. Would Jesus ask me to put my family at risk for the sake of the gospel? My daughter is pretty unaware, but my wife is scared. I can't blame her. I'm really wrestling with it all this morning. I realize that my first priority is to my family. If the gospel doesn't give them hope and peace, then something isn't right. But I don't know if that's the same thing as safety. Living out the gospel in the midst of brokenness is not a safe thing. But it's what Jesus calls us to do. I guess I'm just realizing that the gospel demands much more of me than living a nice, safe, comfortable life. I know that Jesus has us here right now. In the meantime, I will protect my family from those that would seek to harm us. I mean, we lock our doors, we have an alarm, I own a gun. But I won't hide inside, and I won't run away. I will live my life as a follower of Jesus. I will be available to meet the needs that arise. I will do my best to add to the peace and hope of people in this neighborhood. The gospel not only brings hope to those that need it, but it also stands up and fights what is evil, and it takes on injustice. Ultimately, it brings peace, because love wins.

Peace on earth. I long for that.

What do you think of all this? Does the gospel ask us to put ourselves and/or the ones we love at risk?

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Turkey Day

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which is really a great day. To be honest, I mostly look forward to Thanksgiving because of the food. I'm sure that's true for lots of people. This week I've been thinking though about gratitude. Tonight we will be having church with our high school students and I plan on simply having a time of thankfulness. Before I do that, I thought I better write about some of my own thoughts. It's quite interesting to me that Thanksgiving day has become less and less significant in American culture. Most of the stores simply go from candy everywhere and Halloween costumes and decorations, to Christmas. Many stores have both of those going at the same time. Thanksgiving is less marketable I guess. It's about being thankful for what we have, for family, for freedoms, etc. There's no exchange of gifts, no dressing up or parties - mostly just family gatherings centered around a meal and that's about it. And yet, I still hear the word Thanksgiving a lot on TV this week, but it's mostly preceded by the words "Day After" and followed up by the word "Sale." It's kind of ironic I suppose, that Thanksgiving day is all about being thankful for what is truly important, and for what we already have. And for many, less than twenty four hours later it will be a consumeristic blitz. Thanksgiving day is spent forming plans as to what stores to go to, what ungodly hour they should wake up to be there when it opens, and how much money they will spend. I realize there are deals to be had on what is now known as "Black Friday." I realize that if you are going to buy certain things, that this is a great day to do that. But isn't it kind of hypocritical of us as a society? Aren't we saying in one breath how thankful we are for what he have and what is truly important, and in the very next breath consuming more and more in order to be more happy?

Now, it's pretty easy for me to stand here and point fingers at people who love to shop. I can't think of anything more torturous than being in stores on Black Friday. Seriously, you couldn't pay me enough money to go to someplace like Walmart, or Best Buy on Friday. No freaking way. But, I still struggle with the same thing. I like stuff. I like to buy stuff. I like to have the newest, the biggest, the best - and I find myself every so often feeling the need to just spend money. Where does that come from? This year I've been in the dump in Mexico building a family a house there. I've been in Bohlokong, South Africa and gone inside homes where people were dying of AIDS. And yet, I want a new ipod. I want tools. I want music, movies, and more. Is it wrong to want things? Is it wrong to buy things like this? How do I reconcile living in an affluent culture with what I know and have seen in the world? Should I sell everything and live on the streets? Should I give all my possessions away? To be honest, it's a question I am wrestling with, and will continue to wrestle with.

I do know this - something has changed. I no longer mindlessly consume. I am aware of how rich I am compared to the world. There's a great website called globalrichlist.com. On this site, you can put in how much money you make in a year and it will tell you where you rate in the world's wealth. I make a modest income compared to many in the U.S. In fact, I think I'm below average. And yet, I am in the top 3% of the world in terms of my wealth. Are you kidding me? I am richer than 97% of the world. That's crazy. When Jesus said it is difficult for the rich to inherit the kingdom, I've always thought about "rich" people I know. And yet, Jesus is talking about me! 97% of the world would look at me and say I am rich. Wow. That sure changes the way I think about how I spend my money. Do I still go to Starbucks? Yeah. Do I still buy things? Yeah. But I've began to change other habits. I got a DVR the other day with DirecTV. I don't watch commercials any more - which is awesome! All of those ads telling me what I need to buy are now gone. We also give more. We talk about greed and charity and gratitude a lot with our students. We try and model giving to our daughter. She got a bunch of money (I say a bunch, because for a 4 year old $30 is a ton of money!) for her birthday last month. The first thing out of her mouth was "How am I going to send all of this to Africa?" Wow. She understands money buys things. She gets the fact that money has value. Sure, she doesn't understand everything about money, but one thing is for sure - money doesn't own her. She knows that when she has much, there are some that have none, and she can't comprehend a world where she would keep all of that to herself. I love that. I want to be free from money like she is.

OK, so back to gratitude and Thanksgiving. I am thankful for many things. I have an amazing wife. She is simply amazing. I keep wondering how I ended up with her. I have an unbelievable daughter. She is just awesome. I have another daughter on the way. That is such a blessing for us as we tried for a year and a half to get pregnant again. I have a mom that has been such a godly example to me that I love deeply. I have a dad that I love. The fact that I can say that today is a huge answer to prayer. I have a great church family. I love the staff I get to work with. I love our students. They challenge me and stretch me to new places all the time. I have great friends. I have a dream that God has given me - and for that I am very grateful. What's amazing to me is that as I look back at some of the things I wrote about here - not one of them had a price tag. They were never purchased. They were never on sale. And that's because they are priceless. They can't be marketed, they can't be owned. They are gifts to be sure, but I guarantee you that none of these things will be put on any credit card this Friday.

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The Gods Aren't Angry

I went last night to see Rob Bell at the Wiltern in Los Angeles on his "The gods Aren't Angry" tour. First of all, it was my first time to the Wiltern and it's a pretty amazing venue. I sat in the balcony on a rather uncomfortable seat, but I had a good view of the stage and a Coke in my hands, so it wasn't all bad.

On the stage was a stone structure, which we later learned was an altar. Other than that, nothing on the stage at all. The lights dimmed and an opera starting playing rather loudly until finally Rob Bell came out onto the stage. "Sooooo...... there's a cave-woman...." Anyway, he talked about how people early on in the history of man started to notice a correlation between the sun and the moon and food and weather, and everything else. They began to see that all of it was connected. And they attributed good things with gods who were blessing them, and bad things with gods that were angry. And so the altar became central to civilization. If the gods are in a good mood and blessing you, well then you offer them more so that they will continue to be happy and bless you. And if the gods are angry, then you offer them more so that they will become happy and bless you once again. The whole system is burdensome. A person never knows where they stand in relation to the gods - are they happy with me, have I done enough, or are they angry with me? And then the God of the Hebrews comes along to this man named Abraham. He tells him to take his son and sacrifice him on the altar, but before he is able to do so, God tells him to stop and sacrifice a lamb instead. Suddenly this is a God who reaches out to man and provides for man - including the sacrifice. And as the law develops in Leviticus, we see all kinds of rules about sacrifice - including 5 different types of sacrifice. Rob Bell argues that is a revolutionary idea. God is telling people this is exactly what you do, how you do it, etc. For the first time there are no more questions about "Did I do enough? Is God still angry? Is he pleased with me?" When you leave it on the altar it is done and over.

Then, Jesus rolls around and begins saying things like destroy this temple and I will rebuild it in three days. Jesus is once again introducing a completely new concept - that is that the old system is done with. It's no longer necessary. In fact in Hebrews it even says that the blood of animals could never cover sin. It never worked. What the heck then? Why did they do it? It wasn't for God's sake, it was for their sake. It allowed them to function guilt free. And now Jesus has said that all of it is done away with and now all of our sin is gone. So Rob Bell's talk was basically about grace. There were lots of personal stories thrown in, as well as stories from his church. The basic point in the end was that we become instruments for God's grace here when we do good and we free people from the sense that they have to somehow appease God in order to make him happy. He made the statement that any system that weighs down, adds lists to do, etc. is not of God, because our God isn't keeping score. There's no "celestial clipboard in the sky" that God is checking off. Many people live their lives as if God is angry - they do things (church, bible reading, etc.) simply to appease God and keep him off their backs. Other things they don't do (enter any sin here) because they don't want to make him angry. We realize how strange and primitive these things were in the past, and yet our culture continues many of the same practices on today. I love grace. It's amazing. And I'm sure I will never fully comprehend it, but it's an incredible concept and I had a good time hearing Rob Bell speak about it in a fresh way.

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Old

Today is the day. My 30th birthday. Wow. I can no longer be in my twenties. The kids in my youth group have been harassing me for a month now about this day. They have all declared that I am officially old now. I guess someone in their twenties is still just in the age bracket above them, so it isn't so bad. But thirties? Apparently that's ancient.

I went to bed feeling achy, woke up a little sore, went to the gym, and now I feel totally weak. It can't be because I turned 30 can it? At any rate 30 is a good number. It definitely feels a bit different than most birthdays. I've always been a goal-setter. Big achievements, accomplishments, etc. give me cause for reflection. I don't know that you would call turning 30 an accomplishment, but it's definitely a milestone. I am definitely feeling a bit reflective today. I am asking questions like what has shaped me this first 30 years? What did I do for the kingdom? Probably even more pressing a question is what now? I know that despite what teenagers say, 30 isn't old. But it is a pretty decent chunk of a normal life. So what will the next 30 years look like? Where will I be? What will I do for the kingdom? What kind of husband and father will I be? What kinds of joys and heartaches will I experience? How will I push myself to new limits, etc.? You know, Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was 30. So what new things does God have in store for me in ministry? I feel a restlessness stewing inside me. I think God is moving me toward a new stage of my life. Will some things stay the same? I hope so. Will some things change? I hope so.

I know that God's faithfulness to me in my life has been unbelievable. I feel like he has taken me through every stage of my life with a purpose in mind. Nothing has been wasted. Some of the things have been painful, and some of those things still linger. Other things have been incredible sources of blessing, and they continue to bless me every day. But all of it has shaped me. The man I am today is not the same man who turned 20. And I hope it won't be the same man who turns 40. But that is a long way away - and man that is OLD!

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Recovering

So this week has been kind of crazy. Every October 31 is our church's "Harvest Festival". This year's event had more than 3,500 people attend which is I think our biggest attendance ever. Last year we had 2,400 so that's a pretty huge difference. Anyway, the student ministries department is responsible for planning, coordinating, and eventually pulling off everything it takes to make this event happen. It's a long day to say the least. This year was 8am to 11pm non-stop on my feet setting up the event. I'm thankful for all the people that came out to help us this year - we had more help this year than any year I can remember. All of our game booths were set up by lunch time, which allowed me to feel a little less stressed about the rest of the day. Clean up afterwards went just as smoothly with lots of people hanging out to help us out. We had an army of blowers going to clean up the parking lot from all of the trash and hay.

In preparation for this event I designed a new church brochure which would be handed out to everyone who came in the gates. I'm not a designer really, but I enjoy doing that kind of thing. We made it look like a CD booklet. It's fairly simple, with lots of pictures. I like the final product.

This Sunday starts a new service alternative that is happening on Sunday nights in our building. It's just for the month of November, but that means that our sometimes chaotic youth building has to be in better shape than normal because of the service. I'm playing a role in that, mostly because I know the room, the lighting, the sound system, the media, etc. But it also gives us a chance to try out some different things. Our new pastor is eager to start a different kind of service, as right now we are running just one service - and it's pretty tame. He wants to see us do something with a little more life and a different feel. So this month we are trying it. I hope it goes well. I think it's the kind of thing that could be really good for us as a church.

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The YS Conference

This last weekend was the annual Youth Specialties C0nference, this year in San Diego. I've been going to the conference ever since I started youth ministry, so I guess this year's conference was the 8th one for me. Overall it's a great conference. I enjoy the general sessions (most of the time) and the seminars are good. The best part to me is simply being away with some of our volunteers and being able to just talk together, hang out, and deepen those relationships. The conference tends to repeat itself over the years. I found that the seminars this year weren't all that great for me. I was disappointed with the ones that I went to with a couple of exceptions. But the general sessions this year were great. Maybe the best ones we've had in years. I just found the worship times to be great, and the speakers were fantastic. Some of the highlights for me were :

• Gary Haugen with International Justice Mission - I loved his stories of freedom, and how his organization has rescued hundreds from slavery in India. He challenged us that the church should be concerned with Justice, and that it is one of Jesus' primary message to all of us.
• Doug Fields, Saddleback Church - His talk was great. He normally talks about youth worker stuff, how-to _____, etc. but this year he focused on a spiritual theme, which he called Ministry Envy. He talked about how most of the time when we put down other ministries it is because of envy. It was a real challenge to watch my tongue and to not allow envy to creep into my life.
• Francis Chan - the highlight of the week for me. This guy always blows me away. He told us of his fear for his daughters as they begin to grow up. He has come to realize that he can't do anything to make his kids fall in love with Jesus, and that ultimately it is only God who can draw people to himself. I know for me that was a powerful and much needed reminder. I've watched so many students walk away from God and it just kills me. I want to tell them just the right thing that will change them, and yet ultimately it isn't up to me. He called us to be so passionately in love with Jesus ourselves that we can say "Follow my example while I follow Christ." He called us to be people of prayer. He told us about how he had struggled this last year with the Bible and with his church. He realized that he wasn't teaching the whole bible, and wasn't really believing it and acting on what he read. He asked the question "If all I had was the Bible, and it's all I had read, would I come up with the current model of church?" Wow. He told us about how he went back to his church and asked the elders to change some things, including giving away 50% of everything they take in. He had me in tears as he talked about ministers needing to be people who are madly in love with Jesus. He ended by having his daughter come up on stage. She jumped into his arms and wrapped herself around him. He said that this needs to be the picture of us in our relationship with Jesus.

All in all, it was a good conference. I got to connect with some friends from other churches and other ministries, which was really good. I got some new books, a few freebies, and had a good time. Musically, David Crowder Band was amazing, and Phil Wickham was unbelievable. Next year's conference is back to Sacramento, where I once shared a floor with the Sacramento Kings basketball team. One of the players hit on my wife, but that's another story for another time...

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The ALCS

Most people that know me understand that I'm a huge baseball fan. Of course, my Angels got swept right out of the playoffs, so naturally I'm rooting for Cleveland to take it to the Red Sox. Part of my daily ritual in the morning is to check out mlb.com as well as ESPN's baseball site to see scores, articles, etc. I was just doing that today and one caught my eye. It is about Paul Byrd, the former Angel, and now current pitcher with the Cleveland Indians who is starting tonight against the Red Sox. The article is entitled "Paul Byrd's struggle to walk with God." I linked it so that you can go there and read it if you want. I was just really blown away by the way this guy lives out his faith in the world of professional baseball. He's not a flashy guy, he readily admits that he doesn't have it all together, and he's totally honest about his struggles with sin like lust and cheating. Anyway, it looks like he'll be publishing a book sometime next year and I'm really looking forward to getting it. I appreciate a guy like him living an honest life, being honest about his struggles, trying to maintain his integrity and play the game well. Far too often "Christian" athletes stand up and thank Jesus for whatever, and then turn around and embarrass us all. So it's a refreshing change. Now let's just hope he can figure out how to pitch to that Red Sox lineup.

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Jim and Casper

I recently finished the book "Jim and Casper Go To Church" and wanted to blog a bit about my thoughts. The book is co-written by these two guys, Jim and Casper. Jim is a former pastor who has written books and curriculum on evangelism. Casper is a proclaimed atheist. The book is the summation of the two of them traveling around the country going to different churches and conversing about the things that they see and experience. Jim's premise is that for most of us who have been in the church for a while, we need a fresh set of eyes to look at things and to be brutally honest about the things that they see. The point being that an outsider's perspective (the very person we ought to be trying to reach) is often very different than those of us on the inside. To be honest, I hate that language - outsider, inside, etc. I hate drawing those lines, but for the sake of understanding the book that's how I think Jim himself would say it.

Anyway, the book is a great read. They go to some of the most well-known churches in the country, including Saddleback, Willow Creek, Potter's House, Imago Dei, Mars Hill (Seattle), even Joel Osteen's church (as a side note, it's kind of funny that I don't know the name of that church, just the celebrity pastor - which is exactly the kind of thing Casper tends to point out in these churches). Casper has some pretty keen insights into these churches, things that bother him, and other things that impress him and have him asking more. Before I get into those things, one question I have about the work that Jim and Casper have done is this: Should we care what an atheist thinks about the church? I definitely think the church exists more for those who aren't a part of it than it does for those who are. However, I wonder if we ought to focus on spiritually interested or seeking (another loaded word) people rather than atheists. I suppose I know the answer to my own question. The fact is that when I say atheist I often assume someone who is closed off to the gospel, or to the church. However, Casper is clearly not closed off - which is an important distinction. He makes the point that he is "currently an atheist", because at this point in time that is the best explanation for his understanding of the world around him. However, he is open to the idea that that could change. He asks Jim to be equally as open - which is really important. Are we as Christians confident that following Jesus is good and true and that the evidence points to him, to the point where we don't have to be so close-minded that we can't consider other opinions or other explanations? The problem I think with many Christians is that we believe we are right, and that's it - end of story. Yet, we want an Atheist, a Mormon, a Hindu, a Muslim to be open to our ideas. If Jesus really is the Truth, we shouldn't be scared of looking at other faiths or belief systems in all sincerity, because it should always point back to Jesus.

Ok, to the book. Without going through it chapter by chapter, or church by church, I think some of the common themes that keep coming up are really interesting. The main question that Casper keeps asking is "Is this really what Jesus called you to do?" Wow. To me that is such an insightful question. It's a question that I need to constantly ask of myself, my ministry, and the way I spend my time and resources. He points to some of the flashy stuff that tends to happen in churches as a way to "attract" new or seeking people and he sees production, shallow message, wasting money, promotion of Christian celebrities, and lots of things we don't intend to communicate. The things that tend to stand out to him as significant are people's stories. He is moved by testimonies, by stories of how churches are getting their hands dirty and being the hands and feet of Jesus within their communities. He sees to intuitively understand that Jesus stood for the poor and the oppressed, and the followers of His ought to be about the same things. He even talks like this is the kind of thing that might get someone like him to be involved in a particular church. In fact, one church he attends is a friend's house church. He talks about the consistency he sees in that friend, between the message of Jesus and the content of his life. I think that is quite profound.

Casper also seems to see the inconsistency between many churches spoken message and their unspoken message. What I mean by that is that many of the church services he attends seemed to be focused on the benefits of Christianity for its adherents, rather than on the benefits for the world. Much of it is me-centered. He hears promises of wealth and prosperity, of health and healing, and a lot less talk about the value of this faith on its own. Is the gospel about what I can get out of it? Is that really it? I hope not.

At any rate, I'd really recommend the book. There's a lot more I could comment on, but I know they have a website with message boards, etc. that you could look up and read more about. But you should definitely pick it up and read through it - particularly if you are involved in a church and have been for some time. The way we see things is so very different than the way that a new person views it. For that alone - this book is worth the read.

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Formulaic Faith

This summer I read Donald Miller's book Searching for God Knows What. It's really an amazing book. It's been one of those books that has stayed with me for quite a while since I've read it, partly because of my own thoughts, but also partly because some of the high school students in our group have been reading it and talking about it with me. As I read it, I began thinking about doing a teaching series on some of the ideas that Miller addresses. So anyway, this week I started that series.

We talked this week about the problem of understanding faith as some kind of formula or recipe, where when we do this, God does that. I went on a Christian book web site this week and typed into the search engine the words "How to". The results were crazy! There were hundreds of books that had these words in their title. Why is it that we've taken this rich, mysterious, deep faith that we have and made it into a three-step process? Why do we want so badly to have a simple formula to follow? I think it comes down to an issue of control. When we follow a formula or a recipe, we know exactly what we are doing, and we know exactly the outcome to expect. The thing about biblical faith is that it tends to be messy, never the same twice, and often ends up with people doing crazy things. I think that scares us. That sounds like there's no control.

I think it also has a lot to do with our consumerist society. We are used to having a problem, a need, a desire, and being able to go out and find exactly what we want to fill that need or desire. I kind of think of it as infomercial faith. Every infomercial has the same basic format no matter what they are selling. There's always the guy who is way too excited about the product. There's also the guy who asks the obvious questions and is apparently really slow because he doesn't understand until it's been described three or four times. You know the guy - "Wait a minute, are you telling me....?" But they all promise the same basic things - it's easy to use, great results = happier life, and at very little cost to you. It doesn't matter if it's an ab machine, a cheese grater, a blender, a vacuum, or a machine that does all of those things, the promises are the same. And for some reason, I think that many of us have seen the effectiveness of this message and taken a God that's hard to understand, and a faith that often leaves us with more questions than answers, and tried to package it in a similar fashion. It's easy to use, it will make your life better, and at very little cost to you. Is that really the gospel of Jesus?

Call me crazy, but that kind of simple, packaged, formulaic, recipe-like faith just doesn't interest me. I don't believe there is a "how-to" book we can follow that tells us what faith is like because I believe that faith is about a relationship with a person, not a formula. Relationships are dynamic, changing, growing, they ebb and flow, they feel close at times, further at other times, and there's no "how-to" in the world that can teach you how to navigate that. Think about the relationships you have, whether its a friend, a spouse, a father or mother, a son or daughter. If I followed a book about "How to be married" and simply followed the steps outlined in said book, I think I might be looking for a new wife in no time at all. Love isn't formulaic. There's not a three-step process to being in love. My wife doesn't want me to follow a list of bullet points in my love for her. She wants my heart. In that way, Miller says faith is a lot more like falling in love than it is following a formula.

But some have argued that faith is a sort of formula. Scripture says things like "If we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised him from the dead, we will be saved" (Romans 10:9-10). Isn't that a formula? Confess this, believe this, and you will be saved. I guess I would just argue that saying something out loud, simply going through the motions, the right mechanism, doesn't save us. Confessing that Jesus is Lord is a relational statement. We are declaring the fact that He is our Master, He is the one we follow, and not ourselves. The title Lord implies a relationship. There's not really any way around that as far as I can see. God is constantly saying in the Old Testament, "I don't want your sacrifices, I want your heart." Jesus condemns the Pharisees with the same kind of fervor - telling them how incredible it is that they go through all the law and seek to follow it down to the smallest part, and yet they have missed the whole point of the law! They have no relationship with God, he doesn't have their hearts. I fully believe that God is less concerned (not unconcerned, just less concerned) with what we believe, and even what we do, than he is about having our hearts.

One of the real problems in the church that I think we're beginning to see a bit of resistance to in the Emerging Church movement is that we have really stressed knowing and doing the right things, and not so much of having a heart that is being transformed by a relationship with Jesus. We've stressed an intellectual faith over a relational faith. We've told people that faith is easy - just follow these steps. We've told them it will make their life better - happier, wealthier, healthier. We've even failed to tell them the cost - it might cost family, friends, possessions. Faith isn't simple. It isn't a formula. It can't be put into a "How-to" book. It's a constant, everyday, growing and changing, dynamic, exciting relationship with the living God. I'll take that kind of faith any day over a formula. If I can put God into a chart or graph and understand all the dynamics of the Scriptures and easily discern his will - then he must not be that great of a God. I'm reminded of Isaiah who says "Your ways are not my ways, nor your thoughts my thoughts."

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It's a girl!!

We just got back from the doctor where we finally had our ultrasound, and once again it's a girl! It was so cool to be able to watch her move around. At one point she was sucking on her thumb and it was so stinking cute. Hannah got to be there with us and see her sister for the first time. She thought it was pretty neat, especially when the baby tried to suck on her toes. She asked me again when the baby was coming out - I think she thought it was time. But she's excited. We called the grandmas and some other people and let Hannah tell everyone that she was having a sister. She keeps telling people that her name will be "Hello Kitty Thumbelina". Pretty sweet name. She is going to be a great sister, and I can't wait to watch them grow up together. It's kind of funny that we are having a girl - I swear that I don't know anyone who has had a boy. I'm not even sure baby boys exist anymore. I'm sure someone, somewhere is having a boy - so I better get prepared. I better buy more guns...

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Good one God

I've been reading the Thomas a Kempis classic The Imitation of Christ. I think God must laugh sometimes at how clever he is. He will often put things in my path to read, to watch, to hear that speak directly into a situation that I am currently dealing with. Chapter XVI of this book is entitled "Dealing with the Faults of Others." I have been recently involved in a conflict between two parties, where one of those parties seems to be unwilling to seek reconciliation. They simply want to attack and destroy. And I'll be honest, that makes me want to say "screw it" and to just respond in like kind. At any rate, I read this chapter this morning:

"Until God ordains otherwise, a man ought to bear patiently whatever he cannot correct in himself and in others. Consider it better thus - perhaps to try your patience and to test you, for without such patience and trial your merits are of little account. Nevertheless, under such difficulties you should pray that God will consent to help you bear them calmly.

"If, after being admonished once or twice, a person does not amend, do not argue with him but commit the whole matter to God that His will and honor may be furthered in all His servants, for God knows well how to turn evil to good. Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure.

"If you cannot make yourself what you would wish to be, how can you bend others to your will? We want them to be perfect, yet we do not correct our own faults. We wish them to be severely corrected, yet we will not correct ourselves. Their great liberty displeases us, yet we would not be denied what we ask. We would have them bound by laws, yet we will allow ourselves to be restrained in nothing. Hence, it is clear how seldom we think of others as we do of ourselves.

"If all were perfect, what should we have to suffer from others for God's sake? But God has so ordained, that we may learn to bear with one another's burdens, for there is no man without fault, no man without burden, no man sufficient to himself nor wise enough. Hence we must support one another, console one another, mutually help, counsel, and advise, for the measure of every man's virtue is best revealed in time of adversity - adversity that does not weaken a man but rather shows what he is."

I love the one line that says to try and bear with the defects of others, because you have many faults of your own that other people have to deal with. I admit that I often want to hold people to such a standard that I myself am not willing to be held to. The last line of this chapter says "the measure of every man's virtue is best revealed in time of adversity - adversity that does not weaken a man but rather shows what he is." Wow. Ok God, I get it.

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Senior Supper

So last night was our first Senior Supper of the new school year. It's a time for us to hang out with our seniors and talk to them about leadership and to help create a vision for our group that they can have some ownership over. It was a good time. It's exciting for me that we have so many committed seniors this year. Their love for God is amazing, even challenging for me. They are hungry for knowledge. We sat around afterwards and talked about prayer, how we hear God's voice, why we pray in groups sometimes, and stuff like that. It was just a great time. This Wednesday we will be talking about that whole concept - hearing God's voice. The experience I had where my 3 year old daughter asked me why she never hears God's voice will be a great starting point for that conversation. My friend Jordan and I are planning on simply having a conversation about this idea in front of our students, urging them to join the conversation. I think it will be a fun change from the feeling of a traditional sermon or whatever, a lot less about lecture and a lot more about discovering together.

In other news, the Angels magic number sits at 5. We're taking our group to the game on Friday night so it would be really cool to be there when they clinch the Western Division. I don't know if they'll make it until Friday though. Unfortunately they will probably wrap that all up before then. But I'm holding on to hope!

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Sunday

Yesterday was a busy day. We had a fairly normal morning, but I was doing a ministry spotlight of the high school group. I told the church about last week's car wash for Pastor Idelfonso (San Felipe), and about how we were able to raise $2000 for a car for he and his family. We also showed a video from our trip to South Africa. It's always fun to be able to show off our ministry to the church. I am thankful that our church allows us to do the things we do. I went to lunch with the usual gang of high school guys - they keep me laughing all the time.

I spent a couple of hours during the afternoon preparing for Sunday night's service - where we got the chance to share about our trip to South Africa. It ended up being a pretty cool night. We showed pictures, taught the congregation a song we learned, and shared stories of how God did amazing things in and through us. I was blessed by the support of our congregation and the desire to hear about the things our students experienced. Afterwards a bunch of us went to Denny's and hung out with our YWAM leader who had come up for the evening service. We had a great time. I finished the night off with a few episodes of "The Office" and it was a great day.

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A Dream

My dreams are usually nonsense. They have little to do with reality. At the time they seem rational, but when I wake up and think about them I often laugh at how silly they really are. There are some dreams that feel like dreams, and some dreams that feel very real. On some occasions I have woken up from dreams and had to think about whether or not what just happened was real or not. I had one of those dreams this week. It was a terrible dream.

There wasn't much to the dream, no real plot or story that happened. In real time, I suppose the events that happened in my dream would have all happened in about 30 seconds. But I was riding my bike up a trail with someone else (who I can't remember), and my daughter was riding behind me. I remember thinking I needed to stay between her and the edge of the trail because she could fall. For some reason I got slightly in front of her as we pulled up to stop. At that point I turned around to see her steering her bike in the direction of the edge. I yelled for her to stop (though she didn't have much control of her bike) and reached to grab her. I touched her, but wasn't able to grab her. At that point she fell. I had this vivid picture of her falling down a sheer cliff - hundreds of feet below. It was absolutely horrifying. I screamed in my dream "NOOOOOO!!!" But there was nothing I could do.

I immediately woke from the dream and was eternally grateful that it was just a dream. My daughter was in the bed with us, and I just threw my arms around her and kissed her as she laid there asleep. I couldn't shake that dream all day yesterday, and it still haunts me now. My wife and I talked about it a bit last night. We realized that we both share these fears that something terrible could happen to one of us, or to our children. To be honest it's a fear that I have carried for some time. The thing about that moment in the dream when my daughter fell - there was such an overwhelming feeling of loss and helplessness. I felt as though I could have stopped it from happening but now there was nothing I could do about it. I think that's a fear I carry as a man. I'm wired to want to provide and protect. When I am unable to do that I feel incredibly helpless. So whether it's my wife being sick, or simply being uncomfortable from pregnancy, or the bills piling up and feeling like there isn't any money to simply enjoy life with, I hate feeling like I'm not in control. I hate feeling like life is happening and there's just not anything I can do about it.

That's where obedience to God is tough for me. I really want the assurance that if I do what he wants me to do - that he will take care of me and the ones that I love. I want to know that life just works if you do x, y, and z. Unfortunately God doesn't give us that assurance. I mean there are kids I know who have lost parents recently. There are parents who have lost babies. How do we make sense of this? How would I make sense of this in my own life? A deeper personal question is what does this fear reveal about me? Why do I need control? Why do I need this kind of assurance? Why should I be immune from this kind of thing happening to me? I realize that I am still far from having the kind of faith that I read about in the Bible. The story of Job baffles me. How can a man respond the way Job did to his whole family being taken from him? "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away - blessed be the name of the Lord."

If I'm totally honest - I never want to have to demonstrate that kind of faith. I don't want to be the one who has that testimony. I don't want to experience that. I'm sure that reveals something about me, an area of my life that is still not under the lordship of Christ. I also wonder if it reveals a certain view of God that I have that may not be true. I sometimes feel like if I tell God that I don't want something to happen, that it will therefore happen. It's almost like he is going to do the very thing that I pray he won't. That doesn't sound like a good, loving, gracious God. Why do I have that view of Him at times? I totally view God as a God of love and grace and mercy, and yet in my own life I sometimes think of him as though he is a vindictive, irrational, mean-spirited Being. I realize the inconsistency. It's almost as though I know what is true, but in the back of my mind there's that "what if" question.

It just occurred to me that I have completely left out a serious player in all of this. Satan. I'm not one of those people that blame things on "the devil." I've heard people say that pretty much everything bad that happens is because of the devil, or Satan is trying to tear them down. I never do that. But I do think that when it comes to one's view of God, particularly in how he interacts and deals with me as an individual - it is certainly within the realm of possibility that Satan is trying to skew that. He would definitely love to get in my head and change the way that I think about God. He would love it to make me not trust this God. He would love it if I start to doubt his love for me, or his grace toward me.

At any rate, I don't really know if I'm coming to any conclusions here. I just needed to get that out and process my own thoughts really. I feel better though. I do know that I have a God that loves me, and he loves the ones that I love too. He loves them more than I possibly can. He wants good things for me as well and he is a good God. In the Psalms we often hear David begging God to rescue him from those that wish him harm. I wonder if David had some of the same fears I do? But he does this regulary, and yet he always concludes that God is good. Sounds like a good way to conclude this random rant as well - God is good.

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Prayer

My 3 year old daughter and I are home alone for the weekend - mom went away with the ladies of the family to the Women of Faith conference. So we were driving to pick up dinner (I said mom was away right?) and out of the blue she asks me "Dad, how come when I pray I don't hear God's voice?" Are you kidding me? This girl is 3 years old! It's funny how God places these moments in my life. I'm currently reading Kyle Lake's [re]Understanding Prayer. All summer long I've been learning and thinking about prayer. We've started a new prayer gathering that meets weekly. I'm in the middle of a teaching series on prayer based on James 5:16. I've been answering a lot of questions about prayer, and yet none as tough as the one that came from the mouth of a 3 year old.

Yet isn't that a question we all ask sometimes? Why don't we hear God's voice? I know I've asked the question. I've had the question asked of me. I've tried to answer it by quoting Scripture, waving my hands, using big words, and referring people to books. And yet, when you strip all of that away, and you break it down to the level of a three year old, what do you say? You keep it simple.

You start with "I don't know." That's a pretty freeing statement to be honest. There's a mystery to it that can't be explained. I know there are explanations, but in the end it's all a mystery. I love that about God. I can't figure him out, I don't know how He works. Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (NIV). As much as I want to give my daughter concrete answers, I have to start with the fact that I don't know.

But in spite of the fact that I don't know, I am confident of the fact that God does speak to His children. I told her the story of Samuel, who continually hears the voice of God and doesn't know it is God. He thinks it is Eli. The thing about Samuel is that though he had never heard the voice of God before, he was in a place where he would be able to hear Him when He did speak. He was with the Ark of God. I wonder if that is part of the problem. How many of us want to hear the voice of God, but want Him to speak on our terms? How are we preparing ourselves to hear His voice? Anyway, she liked that story, and it seemed to help her a bit. I told her that she should never stop listening for God's voice. I told her that she needs to keep talking to God and that He will talk to her, and eventually she will hear his voice. The thing about God's voice is that it doesn't sound like other voices. It's often described as a still, small voice. I tried to explain it to her as a voice you hear on the inside.

I've always assumed that the thoughts of a three year old centered around Dora the Explorer, chicken nuggets, and coloring books. And yet today I have to believe that the question that came from her heart can only mean one thing - God is already speaking to her.

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