Sick

I don't get sick very often. But I've got it pretty bad this time. It started on Monday with a bit of a sore throat. Monday night I was up during the night with a fever, going from shivering cold to sweating and back to shivering again. Tuesday the throat was getting pretty bad. I also had some pretty bad headaches, and the occasional fever. Tuesday night - shiver, sweat, shiver, repeat. Wednesday, my throat was awful. More headaches, more fever. I haven't had much of an appetite either, since it hurts so bad to swallow. Wednesday night I ran a lower fever. This morning (Thursday) my throat felt like a bomb went off inside. So I finally went to the doctor. The first place I went was a little clinic, who tested me for strep (which I was convinced I had) and it came back negative. So they sent me to Urgent Care. At Urgent Care they again tested me for strep (I still think I have it), and it again came back negative. They also tested me for mono, and for the flu. Have you ever been flu tested before? Yeah, you may want to pass on that one. They put a real long stick up your nose until they can touch your brain, and somehow that tells them if you have the flu. It's awful. So I don't have mono, or the flu, or strep (maybe I should get tested again). I think more by process of elimination than anything else, they diagnosed me with tonsilitis. Awesome. So I got 10 days worth of antibiotics, and apparently that should do the trick.

I think sickness is intelligent somehow. It always knows when it's a terrible time to get sick, and then it jumps on you. I am supposed to teach twice this weekend. The first being our normal Story Church weekly study. The second is on Sunday morning at a church in Raleigh. They are helping me to get licensed here in the state of NC as a pastor, and they've invited me to share this week about my calling and what our vision is for Story Church. I'm excited about the opportunity, but I really hope I'm feeling better by then.

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Kicked in the face

I was just reading a blog post that might as well have been God sticking His foot right through my computer screen and kicking me in the face. Here's what it said:

GIVE UP YOUR GOOD CHRISTIAN LIFE AND FOLLOW CHRIST
I'm pretty sure the greatest deterrent to following God's leading for most of us is not disobedience, but rather the deep sadness that comes with moving hundreds of miles away from family and loved ones... the paralyzing fear of risking financial security... and the pant-soiling faith-leap of trying something new. But consider the alternative...
Posted by: Ben Arment, Risk Taking

I'm so thankful for reminders like this. The reason Kimi and I dove into this whole church planting endeavor was for that last line - "consider the alternative." I couldn't keep doing the safe, easy, no risk thing. I love that we serve a God that invites us out of the boat to try walking on water.

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Gran Torino

I love stories of redemption. Yesterday I got to see one of the most powerful movies I've seen in a long time in Gran Torino. I'm amazed at the power of a good story. As a Christian, I found this movie to be one of the best redemption stories I've ever seen. It's a story of love, of regret, and of hope in the midst of pain. Unfortunately, many Christians probably won't see this movie. To start with, it's rated R. And for good reason. It's not a family movie. The language in the movie is disturbing, from the very frequent F-bombs, to the unending racial slurs - and those from the hero! And yet, I found myself enthralled by this character, captivated by him, and wishing I was more like him. Clint Eastwood is unbelievably good. Before I go much further you should understand that while I highly recommend the movie, it won't be for everyone. Some will be unable to get past the things I've already mentioned. For others, it may be the violence in the film that is difficult. But for me, I found the film incredibly moving.

I struggle with what to say about the film, because I don't want to tell the story here. For one thing, my retelling of the story will be quite weak compared to the power of the movie. But secondly, I'd hate to ruin it for anyone who has not yet seen it, but may still. So I will try and talk in generalities here. The movie basically tells the story of a man (Clint Eastwood's character) whose wife has just died, and he finds himself alone, aging, and living in a very changing neighborhood from the one in which he raised his family. He's a Korean war veteran, who is angry and racist toward the Asians who are taking over his neighborhood. He also deals with a lot of guilt and pain from the things he did in war. Though in one amazing scene, where he goes to confession, it's his lack of any real relationship with his grown boys that bothers him the most.

Throughout the film, his relationship with his neighbors begins to change as he comes to the defense of a family intimidated by local gangs. He takes the teenage boy under his wing and ushers him into manhood - helping him get a job, talking about girls, and pushing him to succeed apart from the pressure of joining a gang. The film builds to a point where the boy next door is sucked into the belief that the only way to win is to escalate violence back toward this gang. I found myself so engrossed in this story at this point. I was rooting for love to win. I was hoping that this would not be another movie promoting the myth of redemptive violence - where revenge wins in the end. I won't give away how it ends, but I will say that it was one of the most beautiful endings I have ever seen.

One thing that struck me though - every time I see a movie like this (which isn't often!) I am amazed at how loudly our world is crying for stories like this. We want to know that a different world is possible. We want to know that in the end, love really can win. It reminds me of the important role that you and I play in this story. We have these same choices every day. They may not be as big as trying to take down a neighborhood gang, but our opportunities are there nonetheless. One of the beautiful subplots in this movie involves a priest who continues to visit Eastwood's character. He's persistent, he's loving, never judgmental, and full of grace. He longs for our hero to be free from the guilt he carries around. But he's not immune from the pain he sees. At one point he expresses his own anger about what is happening. He doesn't sugar coat it. For many of us, this is our role. We can't live as though evil isn't real. We have to call it what it is, while refusing to play by it's rules. And yet, we live lives of hope and love and grace, bringing the kingdom to life in the midst of pain. We believe that another world is possible - even already present. Love really does win in the end, and it wins today as well.

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Fasting

Our church community is still working our way through the Sermon on the Mount in Matt. 5-7. This week we're dealing with the section on fasting. We've challenged each other to fast in some way this week, whether it's one meal, one day, a media fast, whatever. During this time we are meditating on Psalm 91. My hope is that when we come together this Saturday night to talk about Jesus's words on fasting, that we will have fresh perspective on it.

Fasting is an interesting practice. It's been a habit of the church for centuries, done for the purpose of focusing on prayer and hearing from God. It's a way to sort of remind yourself that your place in the world, your very life, isn't sustained ultimately by food or the security of your next meal, but by the God who holds all things together. The temptation of food during a fast is an interesting dynamic. It's a temptation to take care of your own needs, to sustain yourself. The battle that takes place is whether I will find my sustaining strength in God or in what can only satisfy for a short time. It's no accident that in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus goes straight from talking about fasting into talking about those that seek to "store up for [them]selves treasures on earth...." Money and wealth provide the same kind of temptation that food does in a fast. If I can just create for myself a situation where I'm financially secure and safe, then all is well. Hoarding money is one way that we try and provide for ourselves, and to secure our own futures. For Jesus, the cure for self-dependence is freeing ourselves from the false belief that our very existence is dependent upon our own efforts. It's the very reason we fast - we remind ourselves that food is not what keeps us alive. It's why we try and become generous people - because it's in giving things away that we remind ourselves that our value and importance isn't based upon our bottom line.

This is the same idea that is going on with Sabbath. Sabbath is an intentional time of rest. We stop producing, stop working, and simply rest. This is really difficult for us some times. Why is that? It's because in stopping that we are forced to realize that the world goes on spinning even without our efforts. We realize that it's God who keeps things moving, not us. When we stop and rest, we remind ourselves of our need for God, and that our value and worth don't come from what we produce, but from resting in Him.

There are many disciplines like this within the Christian faith. Giving, fasting, resting, silence, prayer, the list goes on. Each one plays an important role in freeing us from the belief that we can do this thing on our own. Rather we are reminded of God's presence in the everyday, the normal, mundane parts of life and that it is He alone who keeps it all running. It's not my efforts, not food, not the constant producing, not my words, not anything else.

I would challenge you to participate with us as a church community this week. Deprive yourself of the things that make you believe that you are the God of your universe, and let Him show you that He loves you, he cares for you, and that the world will keep on moving with or without your efforts. And while your body says "feed me", let your heart be reminded that the One who sustains all things will sustain you as well.

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New Links for Story Church

Just wanted to give a quick update on Story Church. We've started a blog to go with our website, as well as a twitter feed for Story Church. If you're on twitter, add us @storychurch. Anyway, you can find the links to both of these on the right side of my blog. The goal is to give a little bit of a summary of each week's discussion and of course, any other things that we feel should go on the blog. I like it because it's a way for people to respond and interact more than just our website. Eventually, when we actually pay someone to do our website, we'll have all of this incorporated into one place. Until then, check it out!

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Why do you go to church?

It's an interesting question. Most people would probably answer that they go to church to "worship God." But is that really the purpose? I saw a live event online yesterday with Dallas Willard and John Ortberg discussing spiritual formation and discipleship to Jesus. In case you don't know, Dallas Willard is a brilliant writer, thinker, philosopher out of USC. His book The Divine Conspiracy is one of my favorites, and probably the most life changing book I've read outside of the Bible. Anyway, one of the things they talked about was the role of church in one's spiritual formation and I found one comment by Dallas Willard to be particularly thought provoking. Here's the way the conversation went:

Ortberg: Why go to church?

Willard: To love and to be loved.

Ortberg: I thought you would have said "to worship God"

Willard: that may happen, but that's not why I go. I go to love and to be loved and I assume that the presence of Jesus is there in those people.

What do you think of this statement? Why do we go to church? Most people would agree that I can worship God on my own at anytime and any place. So why do I need to go to church to worship Him? And, if Willard is right about the reason we go to church, then why are church services almost entirely forward facing, and non-relational? As I'm laying the ground work for a new church here in Durham, this is a question that I really wrestle with. I have more thoughts about it, and my own personal feelings, but I'd love to hear from you. So feedback would be great! What do you think?

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