For Better or Worse: Foundations

Last week at STORYCHURCH we began a new series called "For Better or Worse." I had so much fun team teaching with my wife as we shared some of what we believe to be the foundations to a healthy marriage. As a recap, here are the five things we shared last week:

1. Be the person you want to be married to - Let's face it, 4s don't get to marry 10s. If you wake up one day and realize you are laying next to a 9 and you are hovering around a 5 - you better get to work before she wakes up and realizes it! Single person - you won't find that faithful, dependable guy at the club picking up girls. He won't suddenly become Mr. Faithful just because you come along.
2. Healthy marriages LEAVE and CLEAVE - In Genesis, right from the beginning we are told that when two people get married that two things should happen - they should LEAVE their families, and CLEAVE to one another. Many marriages suffer because one or both people have never really left home. Mom and dad are still more important to them than their spouse. Some may have left home, but they've never really began to stick to each other. Sometimes that can be evidenced by separate accounts, separate names, etc. (notice that's a "sometimes" and not "all the time"). Do mom and dad decide your vacation or holiday schedules? Healthy marriages have detached from one family to form a new one.
3. When two become one, don't try to make them two again. Have you ever seen this happen? "YOUR child is out of control." "I bring home the paycheck and all HE does is spend it." "SHE has so much debt." When you get married, there isn't anymore MINE and YOURS. There is only OURS. It is OUR debt, these are OUR kids, and this is OUR mess. And if it is going to get better, WE better get OUR act together. On the flip side, I've seen single people try and jump into a WE reality when the fact is they are still two people. Moving in together, buying furniture together, getting cell phones together, paying bills together, mixing finances together - this is messy stuff that can have disastrous results when two aren't really one yet.
   
4. Great marriages don't just happen. It's hard work. You can never stop studying your spouse. Learn about them. Read a book about relationships once in a while. Get better at being a husband or a wife. Dudes - we are so inclined to achieve and accomplish that we often think that once we land a wife the mission is accomplished. NOT SO! She wants to be pursued the rest of her life. If you don't keep pursuing her, someone else just might.
5. Pursue Jesus first. I heard Pastor Perry Noble say one time - "You don't have a marriage problem, you have a Jesus problem." The truth is that without the solid foundation of Jesus in your marriage you will never have the kind of marriage that you could have. If two people in a marriage will commit themselves to pursuing Jesus, that marriage WILL get better. EVERY TIME. If you are learning to be more graceful, more compassionate, more forgiving, more selfless - your marriage can't help but be awesome.

If you want to listen to this message you can do that by going HERE and subscribing to the podcast.

And let me personally invite you, if you are anywhere near the Triangle to join us this week for part two of our series. You can use this link to invite someone you know to join us!

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Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley

I want to have a healthy marriage, so I think I'll flirt with my secretary.

I want to be financially secure, so I'm going to rack up some consumer credit buying things I can't really afford.

By this time next month I want to lose 5 pounds, so go ahead and supersize that.

I want to get into a great college on a scholarship so I think I'll party tonight instead of studying for that test tomorrow.

Recently I had the opportunity to read a really great book by pastor and leader Andy Stanley called The Principle of the Path. This book reveals a very simple principle that we all know to be true - Direction, not intentions, determines destination. Andy explains the incredible disconnect so many of us have between what we say we want to happen, and what we actually do about it.

It's a quick read and really simple to understand. As a pastor myself, this book has given me a great way to talk to people about the connection between our choices and the circumstances we find ourselves in on a day to day basis. I believe this simple principle could transform the way you and I think about the choices we all face every day.

If you are finding yourself frustrated with your present circumstances and want future decisions to lead to better results, then I would highly recommend you grab a copy of this book.

(Disclaimer: Booksneeze gave me a free copy of the book in exchange for my honest review.)

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Close your eyes

This morning in my reading through the One Year Bible, this one verse stuck out to me.

2 Corinthians 5:7 says "We live by faith, not by sight."

Wow, so much packed into that little sentence. For me this is a constant tension in my life. Really up until a few years ago almost all of my decisions and my actions were based on what I could see. In other words, if I didn't know how it was going to work out, I probably wasn't going to do it. But then there was church planting. Since I began this process I've learned about moving and acting in the midst of uncertainty. From moving to surviving financially to leading down a path I've never been - all of it has been by faith. And God has proven himself so faithful during this time. He has provided for us when we didn't know how it would happen. He has blessed us for taking steps of faith where we didn't have clarity.

But the tension for me remains. Almost every day as a pastor I'm faced with what I can see - the very real circumstances of people's lives. There are marriages that are struggling, people healing through an abusive past, surgeries, and all kinds of hurt and pain. I'm faced with statistics, with attendance numbers, and with budgets. I'm faced with a growing church and growing kids ministry that doesn't have the volunteers to keep up. There are facts and figures and dates and schedules that start to dominate my thinking.

It would be very easy for me to allow what I can see to consume me, to overwhelm me, and to ultimately paralyze me. But we can't live that way. We won't live that way. We, as the people of God, we live by faith not by sight. The unseen drives us and compels us to keep going and to keep believing a different future is possible even when all that we can see now tells a different story.

Don't let your sight overcome your vision.

Sometimes I think you and I would do better if we closed our eyes every now and then. Because what we can see often keeps us from taking steps of faith. We lose hope. We lose our vision.

Your marriage doesn't have to be this way. Your finances can turn around. You can heal through this struggle. There is hope for you. When we stop living by sight and start living by faith our vision outgrows our sight. We start to believe things that right now seem impossible.

So whatever is holding you back today from doing what you know God has called you to do - close your eyes to it. Let the vision in your heart override what can be seen, and may your faith drive you forward into the uncertainty of the future.

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