Thursday, September 15, 2011

For Better or Worse: Foundations

Last week at STORYCHURCH we began a new series called "For Better or Worse." I had so much fun team teaching with my wife as we shared some of what we believe to be the foundations to a healthy marriage. As a recap, here are the five things we shared last week:

  1. Be the person you want to be married to - Let's face it, 4s don't get to marry 10s. If you wake up one day and realize you are laying next to a 9 and you are hovering around a 5 - you better get to work before she wakes up and realizes it! Single person - you won't find that faithful, dependable guy at the club picking up girls. He won't suddenly become Mr. Faithful just because you come along.
  2. Healthy marriages LEAVE and CLEAVE - In Genesis, right from the beginning we are told that when two people get married that two things should happen - they should LEAVE their families, and CLEAVE to one another. Many marriages suffer because one or both people have never really left home. Mom and dad are still more important to them than their spouse. Some may have left home, but they've never really began to stick to each other. Sometimes that can be evidenced by separate accounts, separate names, etc. (notice that's a "sometimes" and not "all the time"). Do mom and dad decide your vacation or holiday schedules? Healthy marriages have detached from one family to form a new one.
  3. When two become one, don't try to make them two again. Have you ever seen this happen? "YOUR child is out of control." "I bring home the paycheck and all HE does is spend it." "SHE has so much debt." When you get married, there isn't anymore MINE and YOURS. There is only OURS. It is OUR debt, these are OUR kids, and this is OUR mess. And if it is going to get better, WE better get OUR act together. On the flip side, I've seen single people try and jump into a WE reality when the fact is they are still two people. Moving in together, buying furniture together, getting cell phones together, paying bills together, mixing finances together - this is messy stuff that can have disastrous results when two aren't really one yet.
  4. Great marriages don't just happen. It's hard work. You can never stop studying your spouse. Learn about them. Read a book about relationships once in a while. Get better at being a husband or a wife. Dudes - we are so inclined to achieve and accomplish that we often think that once we land a wife the mission is accomplished. NOT SO! She wants to be pursued the rest of her life. If you don't keep pursuing her, someone else just might.
  5. Pursue Jesus first. I heard Pastor Perry Noble say one time - "You don't have a marriage problem, you have a Jesus problem." The truth is that without the solid foundation of Jesus in your marriage you will never have the kind of marriage that you could have. If two people in a marriage will commit themselves to pursuing Jesus, that marriage WILL get better. EVERY TIME. If you are learning to be more graceful, more compassionate, more forgiving, more selfless - your marriage can't help but be awesome.
If you want to listen to this message you can do that by going HERE and subscribing to the podcast.

And let me personally invite you, if you are anywhere near the Triangle to join us this week for part two of our series. You can use this link to invite someone you know to join us!


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